LISTENING…Seems like it should be easy. It’s what our ears were made for. Yet, this is something many of us could use some improvement with. And really, how many of us feel like we are fully heard when we speak?
A Skill That Can Be Learned
This is a great skill and a HUGE part of communication. Many incorrectly believe this is a passive act. Quite the contrary!
I’ve gotten better at listening yet, it’s taken a lot of effort. In this area, the training to be a life coach was different than I expected. I was taught to listen without allowing myself to have a personal agenda. When I heard this I nervously laughed and said, “I don’t know if I can do that!” I WAS SERIOUS! I mean, when we listen to anyone tell their story, we ALL see it from our personal point of view. Right? How can we not? It is all we have. We ‘relate’ to what is said in reference to our own personal experiences and expectations.
But let’s flip this on it’s side.
When we’re telling OUR stories or explaining a situation, others will do this to us too. Can they really understand or relate when they are looking through their own perspectives? Do we want to be judged or told what we ‘should’ do by someone who can only see bits of the picture?
Not really. I believe it would serve us better if we all stopped ‘shoulding’ on each other.
However, we all do this don’t we? We ask for solutions from others all the time. WHY? We want others to tell us what to do and how to solve our problems. “Just tell me how to FIX this!” But they can’t. And it doesn’t stop US from offering up OUR shoulds and advice.
What Works
What does work is to listen and ask probing questions. This allows the person speaking to look deeper at their situation and many times they will come to their own solutions and answers.
By being a good listener and reflecting what we see and hear, it may bring to light certain areas that need more attention. Pay attention to how the speaker’s physical demeanor changed when talking about something. I watch for the physical cues such as a quickening of speech or their body becoming animated. Eyes can look searchingly into the distance, shoulders may slump, the corners of their mouths may smile or become heavy with sadness. These are non-verbal cues. We all speak with more than just our lips. Our bodies are very expressive.
To Be A Good Listener Is To Honor The Speaker
This is fully listening and being present for the story we are being told. In this way, we honor the speaker and their ability to choose their own path and be their own best council. THIS is listening!
