Wendy, Author at Willow In The Wood

About Wendy

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Wendy has contributed 48 entries to our website, so far.

I Was So Mad, I Was TOXIC!

May 25, 2018

I was having a crummy day

It started off with a customer service person being completely inept. I was so mad, I felt toxic! My husband wanted to sooth me, but I really didn’t want to be touched or even talked to.

So, I went for a walk.

Keep It Simple

I was praying and trying to come to terms with my situation and attitude at the moment. And through God or me (I’m betting it was God because I seriously doubt my ability for rational thought just then) came the idea: KEEP IT SIMPLE. Immediately I stopped and repeated the phrase and looked around.

Wow! I was surrounded with such beauty. Where I stood I could see three separate groups of wild iris blooming. The forest stretched forward into the mist. Keep it simple. Yes.

When a client is stressed and ready to loose it, I ask them to breathe with me. Just three deep & slow breaths. So, that is what I did for myself. I was about 50% better immediately.

My thought process was productive instead of fiery bursts of ugly energy. I still think the customer service person didn’t handle ANYTHING well. I realized the reason I was so MAD wasn’t because of her. It was because I didn’t have the tools or knowledge to do what I needed to do. I was mad at myself!

Ouch!

After I realized this, I came back to ‘keep it simple’. Yes, I could do that. I would write down the three things that I most wanted to do and wouldn’t worry about anything else.

Now I felt even better and knew I didn’t have to stress about it. I COULD do three things.

I continued my walk, stopping to admire this and that and take some pictures. And I found some beautiful wild plants on the way back home and dug up a few with a stick. I’d been admiring them, didn’t think removing a few would be harmful, and thought they would look good by the pond. I was right.

And now, I am ready to start the first of three things.

Remember when you get to feel this way, you have a choice to keep feeling crummy or pull it together starting with 3 deep & slow breaths.
Breathing – W

Personal Responsibility – The Blame Game

May 21, 2018

Mom taught me a valuable lesion; to take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for my actions.

If I did something wrong I was forced to do what was within my power to make things right. If that wasn’t possible then I was made uncomfortable by losing privileges or having more responsibility put on me in the form of unpleasant chores. These were valuable lessons and I believe they are the responsibility of every parent to teach their children.

It’s reasonable to carry this moral code into adulthood. If, as an adult, we cause harm to someone, we apologize and do what we can to make things right. But it is beyond irritating to witness the carless actions of others ‘getting away’ with bad behavior. We want them to be held accountable just as we were and hold ourselves accountable.

Sadly, in some of our lives, there are those who weren’t taught this lesson. They feel they can live by a different set of rules then the rest of us. Not only do they feel they aren’t accountable or responsible for their actions, but they’ve figured out how to TWIST things and make us feel like what happened was OUR FAULT.

There are extreme cases where an ABUSER will tell their victim that they, themselves, caused the abuser to act a certain way. “If you didn’t back talk me, I wouldn’t have to hit you.” “If you kept the house cleaner, I wouldn’t get so mad when I get home.” And it doesn’t just happen at home: “If you would have done your job, I would have been able to get the report finished.”

This happens on much more subtle levels too. Abuse isn’t just about being hit. Abuse can be a VERBAL ATTACK with hateful words or being told you are not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, etc. through direct language or subtle degrading of your self-esteem.

Something happens here that can cause years of misery. We review our personal behaviors and question our motives and actions. We WANT to do the right thing. We want to be good people. So, when we are told we are to blame for something, we ‘take the high road’ and try to make amends.

But wait, we didn’t do anything wrong. We know we didn’t.

So, HOW DO WE STOP taking the blame, apologizing, and allowing ourselves to feel as if we did?

WHY DO WE LET THIS HAPPEN?:

-We don’t like confrontation.
-It’s EASIER to diffuse the situation and just move on.
-We’re in a public place and are embarrassed.
-Nobody ever taught us how to stand up for ourselves.

WHY WE SHOULD STOP THIS?:

Being accused of something you didn’t do or waiting for the next unpleasant situation to come up causes us to live in a stress state. There are mountains of reports that explain how bad and even DEADLY stress can be. Just a few things having too much stress can cause are:

-A weakened immune system
-High blood pressure
-Headaches
-Fatigue
-Depression
-Anxiety
-And even Heart Disease

HOW TO REACT WHEN THIS HAPPENS?:

STAY CALM & PEACEFUL: We think much better in a calm state and coming from a place of anger will not make things better.

USE ‘I’ STATEMENTS: I did not do or say that.

BE KIND: I’m sorry that happened to you.

BE CLEAR: But, I did not cause it and WILL NOT take responsibility for it.

KNOW YOU DON’T HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR MIND: This is not an argument. They are entitled to think however they want. You are not here to fix them.

Today IS time for you to be aware of when others attempt to blame you for something you are not responsible for and to take personal responsibility for having the happier & healthier life you deserve.

Do What You Can – The Scarf

May 11, 2018

Honoring Our Needs – Living In Harmony:

The past three weeks have been tough. I came back from a trip to France that I will remember for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, the day after I came home, I caught a cold. I knew it would have to run it course but that after getting over my jet lag and cold, I would be back to normal. And about a week later, I started to feel better. “Yay” I posted on Facebook, “I’m on the mend”. Then a couple days later things got much worse.

I’ve learned to honor my body’s needs so rested most of the time and kept hydrated. I’m such an active person in that I am always moving, always doing something to bring my dreams into reality. Only my health was such that I couldn’t do much. But I could do some.

When I had a bit of energy I created some graphics for Willow In The Wood. I responded to a few emails and posts. It wasn’t long before my physical and mental strength was drained again. Frustrating but understandable.

Today, one day after getting to the doctor and starting some antibiotics I decided I would act as if. Acting ‘As If’ in this situation means to do my best to start the day ‘as if’ I was healthy. I washed up and put on real clothes and make-up. I wasn’t planning on going anywhere but wanted to choose what my brain would see as my reality. A follower had told me she would be holding a healthy vision of me in her mind. YES! I could do that too. Even when we are healthy, we often forget what we know. I’m grateful to be reminded by other bright souls out there when I forget. Just as I know I might be their light when they have forgotten some wisdom of their own.

Blessings In Unexpected Times:

Another blessing is to know that all we must do is what we can, where we are, with what we have. I could create some graphics during my energy peaks and even when I retreated to the sofa to rest my body and mind there was more. I didn’t have to shut down completely to honor my needs. Taking into consideration my current situation, was what I needed. What I could do was mend a scarf. Honestly, it’s something that if I felt better probably wouldn’t get done. When I feel good I put my body and mind to other tasks. But this was something I could do now.

When finished, I looked at my work and knew that it was good. I had made a difference in my own life, even as I was tucked under my blanket, box of tissues by my side, listening to the wind play with the chimes outside the window.

Each day and even each hour our energy and abilities change. Sometimes its necessary to fight against the natural pull of this to push through a necessary task. However, I’ve found that if I honor my current energy and strengths, my tasks don’t drain but replenish. The more I work in harmony with who I am the better life is. And lessons can be learned from the simple act of mending a scarf.

With Wisdom – W

She Hasn’t Got A Mean Bone In Her Body!

May 4, 2018

She hasn’t got a mean bone in her body! You’ve heard that phrase, right?

Well…Yes, yes she does. I know I’m a kind person. In my younger (less humble days) I’ve even told people that I was probably the kindest person they knew. But I’m also quick to note that I DO have a mean bone in my body. I’ve selected one at random. It’s the smallest bone on the tip of my right finger.

It’s just big enough to cause mean thoughts to come to mind but small enough not to cause me to take action on those thoughts.
Take today for example; I was walking through the forest on one of my morning walks as my eyes lifted from the path in front of me to the magnificence of the trees before me and I couldn’t help but thank God that I was there. It’s a breathtaking sight and I’m compelled to give thanks.

I thought about what happened to get me here, in this wonderland of tall trees, ferns, wild iris, lilies, & Trillium flowers. My mind zeroed in on one of my bosses. He was a jerk and definitely didn’t like me. I worked there for 9 years and the other partners liked and appreciated me. But one day, I was called into the conference room and told the most stunning thing: “We’re sorry. We’ve tried to make it work. But we’re letting you go.” After 9 years, major accomplishments, and good reviews I had been canned! As I was led to my desk and told to clean it out , I wasn’t upset, sad, or mad. I was just stunned!

A few weeks earlier, I had whined to God that I really didn’t want to work another year at this place, but I didn’t expect to be let go and certainly for no reason. Hmmm

As I looked back, I realized it was probably THE biggest event that led to my current blessed life. Before being let go, I had been doing some real estate investing and had wondered if I could make that my full-time job. I gave myself one year to figure it out. Before the year was out, I realized it wasn’t going to give me the income and stability I wanted. So, I dusted off my resume and started applying for jobs.

I ended up landing the BEST job I had ever had. It had great pay and I was THE Senior Admin of the real estate division for a 64-billion-dollar company! They would have never hired me if it wasn’t for my real estate experience. I would have never had as much experience if I hadn’t lost my job.

I spent two years there, loving that I was learning new skills again and being seriously appreciated for my efforts. However, I knew it was time to make a big change. I quit the security of that job, sold my house, and bought a home nestled in a forest in Northern California. WOW!

My ‘mean’ bone sent me a great idea. “You should send that jerk of a boss a thank you note with pictures to show how blessed and happy you are. Oh, and don’t forget to mention you just returned from France.”

Such a mean little bone! Of course, I will do no such thing. But I did pray that God would shine his eyes upon that boss. Depending on what that boss’s relationship with Him is right now, this could be a good thing or not. I’ll settle for that and the fact that I am so happy here.

With One Tiny Mean Bone – W